This Simple but Fine Art of Showing Up

If I have a work shift of 5-8 massages on a busy day more often than not there are going to be a few clients with what I call "Wow Factor". For any number of reasons I'm amazed they are motivated to have a massage, make the appointment and show up. I am always glad they did.

In the last few months I have had a multitude of Wow Factor clients.

A beautiful young woman came in for an hour an half treatment this past weekend and let my know she had just been diagnosed with MS. She shared she was on medication for excessive convulsions and would take more medication if I was concerned said convulsions might "freak me out" (her words). I assured her that I prefer her not take more meds most especially for my benefit and that with her permission I would just work with and through the convulsions should they come. This is what she hoped for she told me so we began our session. There were a few minor convulsions which  we just went with the flow through and I found myself very grateful she was on that table because her traps and entire shoulder region were like rock. I wondered if it might be due to literally holding her breath and trying not to worry or upset other people with the inevitable convulsions. It touched me and saddened me that though she was in pain, discomfort and fear she was more concerned about the comfort factor of those around her. How happy I was to give her that time where the one and only thing to think about was her and how she might just feel good. I could feel her apprehension, anxiety, concern, and bone weariness. I could also feel her trance out with me and move into deep relaxation. All of this and still she shows up.

I then had the pleasure of knowing one of my long standing clients who comes every two weeks was in for the day and since she travels around the world on business and I have been traveling a little recently too, I haven't seen her for a while so I was happy to see her on the roster.  I was surprised to find her in a wheel chair  with cast on one foot and ankle and leg. It seems while in India she had missed a step and broke her foot. Not a petite woman and with the chair, the smallness of spa rooms, and the goal of not hitting or knocking her leg and foot against anything we were able to arrange her onto table.  I should mention she is one of my favorite people to work on, I love her particular body type and she is  capable of trusting and just letting me do my work which always makes for a pleasant session as care giver. As we work together often we have come to have custom and rituals that are exclusive to her sessions. I know her muscles and posture, breath rhythm and way she moves. A broken foot throws a distinct wrench into my beloved choreography of the familiar to say the least.

The fun part, I get to relearn her from scratch all over. The disconcerting part, what I think I know about her muscles and aches and pains has to be scrapped and ignored because everything is jangled and unsettled. I can even feel the distress of the foot in her spine which is usually quite fluid. This week her spine feels brittle and anxious. All of this and yet she showed up.

A while ago a dear long time friend brought me a young friend to work on who had been through many medical and healing procedures in his young life. An against all odds situation with a  very sweet spirited and interesting young man. I felt instantly a kin ship between us because we are united in whatever life tosses us we keep going, not only because it is the only option but because we love and enjoy life even with the indecipherable  and deeply painful appear. The doctors of this young man are as you can see from video below (used with both his and his mother's permission)  experimenting with bionics and literal bone replacement of the femur. You can see how the muscles, cells and skin with have to re-heal and re-grow. This is a boy who moves well and gracefully which I find interesting because he is so young and very tall, a combination which often renders one gangly. Not this guy, graceful with all this you see in his leg. Now, Im thinking this is  a kid who has already endured more medical attention and pain in his young life than most people will ever know, yet he is cheerful, interesting and interested, open and clear. I loved how he was able to clearly and directly convey he wanted very deep work and that it did not put him into pain or discomfort. I like that he had very clear needs and ideas for his massage and how he manages pain and his body settling around all of the new.

Most of all I love the fact, all this, and he shows up.

You know the old saying: More than half of life is just showing up.

I think yes yes, but what if showing up is daunting and requires iron willed determination. What if showing up is a herculean effort unto itself? What if the prize for showing up (in my case a massage) is moot to the very action and where with all that showing up requires. It seems to me this very journey of showing up is part of what makes the actual journey so worth the doing. I am sure you  can see gentle reader, how very grateful I am for all the various and eclectic individuals who endeavor and succeed in showing up to my table.

Yet another awe inspiring reason its so easy to love my work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofKla2Rxi4o&feature=youtube_gdata_player

YouTube - Videos from this email

Pain & Other Riddles

One of the 9 million things I love about being a Massage Therapist is, I am routinely left in a sense of awe or respect or wonder or waves of love or humbled or just profoundly moved on some deep cellular level I don't begin to know how to articulate. There is magic in the world, I feel it every day from the cells of my clients and it leaves me in constant state of gratitude and reverence.


Today was a good day, I had 5 clients all of whom were pleasant and appreciative. Fun, upbeat work even though there is a snow front moving in which means my ears are ringing to beat the band and I will surely lose all the early blooms all over my gardens. 


There was one woman who was the herald of the day for why I do what I do.
I know from her charts she was in her early 70's and she just happened to also be a statuesque beauty.
Flawless porcelain skin, thick beautiful white shiny hair, classic and iconic bone structure and she came off as the epitome of health and well being except she has LDS or Lou Gehrig's Disease. 


Huh.   I often wonder how can such things even be? In her particular case it means she can not move her arms without swinging her entire torso with vigor.


I think about how much I loathe as a deaf person the fact I often must rely on others to facilitate communication with me or to me and how complex it is that even though the very people who do in my life are usually the people I love the most and know the best I still deeply resent my dependence and need. I am grateful, I am respectful and I am aware the generosity and sheer decency it takes for my loved ones to include me and make sure I both know whats going on and just converse with me. It remains a position I do not enjoy being in perpetually.


I mention my deaf resentment issues because, this woman had to ask me to remove her glasses, help  her disrobe, steady and guide her to table as her  balance and  direction control is compromised, square her on table and arrange her arms and hands around her torso in a manner that was not painful or contorted.
She had to communicate all of this intricate and exclusive choreography to someone who can not hear her in a dimly lit tiny room. She managed to do this with clarity, poise, directness and grace. Please tell me how anyone can pull that off in such a manner when they are facing the uncertain, the unfamiliar, extreme pain and looming over all of this is the very real possibility of miscommunication or misunderstanding on my part.


I always tell new people if they are experiencing any pain, too much pressure, discomfort or anxiety to raise their hand and I will both move on and become more aware.  How do I help someone who can't raise their hand communicate with me in the event of discomfort. The whole point of coming to me is to feel good. If you already are in mind bending pain, at the very least you want to feel comforted and for the pain in some way to be alleviated, certainly not aggravated because your massage therapist doesn't hear you say this or that is not working.


I told her what she I usually say and acknowledged that was silly in our case and how would she feel about raising her head if she needed to let me know anything immediately she laughed and raised her head.


She shared with me it was her birthday and I thought how fantastic she decided on a spa day to celebrate and how fortuitous for me that I happened to be on call today. She purred appreciation. Her smile was wry and wise. Her energy was both calm and high. You know those people who everyone around them feels better when they walk in the room. She is one of those people. While I was technically aware to take care in particular around her arms, emotionally I forgot while working we were dealing with something so huge and daunting because of the energy she was putting off which was so clear and bright.

Can there possibly be a better job in the world? I seriously doubt it, but if there is, I want to know!

How I Came to This

When I was 23,  I had just had my third and youngest child, Grey. My friend Liane Alitowski gave me a birthing gift of a massage gift certificate with the Bloomington, Indiana Massage Therapist: Kay Thorbecke.  I was profoundly touched AND uncomfortable by this kind and generous gesture.
I had no point of reference nor anything in my up bringing to orient me to just happily accepting and enjoying the massage.
I almost didn't go because the whole concept was so foreign and disconcerting to me.
What propelled me to actually show up for appointment was Liane's comments on how she went regularly, how everyone needed massage, how highly she thought of said Massage Therapist and how I would be surprised by who all was a regular client.

24 years later I am sure I never thanked her adequately for what turned out to be a pivotal hour in my life. It's truly a situation I can only hope to and have strove to pay forward.

The truth is as a full time student in an honors BFA program, newly deaf, with 2 small children and a new born,  precious few resources and save some fantastic friends ~ I was alone in the world, exhausted, overwhelmed, bone weary and chronically over caffeinated to just show up and be awake. I was doing way too many things ~ poorly.  In remembrance its a mad blur of art, children, hunger on every level, unbalance, deep friendships that remain to this day and hope and vision and seriously getting up everyday and just winging it and hoping we all landed on our feet at the end of the day.

Hindsight tells me I was probably starving for nurturing touch.
In desperate need of grounding, care and focus.
The concept of shutting out the world and falling into an hour where the guiding principle was simply to let the cares, pains & concerns of the day slip away so that one could truly experience deep in tune relaxation, clarity and rest, was a language I had never dreamt of. This is saying something because if you know me, you know my mind is a park and my imagination is boundless and rarely still.

I arrived and waited in hall on little wooden chair in an office upstairs on the town square. I've always loved that beautiful square and for some reason this gentled me down and was comforting to me.
Kay came out and say down beside me, smiled, looked into my eyes, with hands on her thighs, did a little intake. She is a petite and pixieish woman who's first impression was kind, calm and rooted.
All qualities I have come to find  very important in the people I surround myself with.

I expressed my concerns about being too big,  nursing and mussing her sheets, stretch marks, and everything else under the sun. She listened but simply assured me that none of this was an issue.

She showed me the lovely water color simple room, told me where to put clothes and told me she would be right back when I was on table. I remember the sun pouring in from a high window and trying to step out of it.

Yes, I not only left on my underclothes, I sat on edge of table ON the covers.

When she came in she couldn't help but smile, and showed me to be under covers.

I closed my eyes so I would not feel like I had to interact. Mind you being newly deaf I had to idea how to be deaf, but I remember feeling my breath ragged and anxious in my chest and feeling like I was both going to suffocate and fall through the floor table and all.

She Im sure could read my distress, laid her hand on my wrist and I could feel her thus taking deep breaths slowly and deliberately. I felt myself being lulled into breathing with her. It helped my eyes be closed rather than squeezed shut.

I know now the massage I received is the basic Swedish Massage that is taught at Boulder College of Massage Therapy. At the time the marked and numbered repetitions of strokes and choreography were comforting, and helped me settle in as it became apparent what to expect. The hour both seemed to fly and to be lost in time and space and endless. When she touched my hand and told me she was stepping out of room so I could dress, I broke into tears.

Those of you who know me, know I rarely cry. Some of my children claim they have never seen me cry.

It was simply that it had been the first time in my 23 years when someone had touched me kindly.
It must be said because it is most relevant in this context, the first time I had ever been touched non-sexually and kindly. The first time I was touched in a non-invasive manner, not controlling & demanding but rather a listening and attentive touch.

My mind was racing processing it all and my heart was hammering with possibilites. I knew one thing for sure~ I wanted to learn how to do that. How to live like that. How to connect with people on that level. How to serve and care in that manner. How to move through the world that comfortable and offering that comfort to others. How to enable others to feel that safe and cared for.

Kay generously shared about her education and inclinations. Then I knew come hell or high water, one way or another, some day I was going to go to Boulder College of Massage Therapy. That did in fact happen per Kay's first and shining inspiration but the path was long and tenacious, difficult and sometimes seemed insurmountable~but that's a story for another day.

All of these years later, I Thank & Bless Liane and Kay for this gift that actually became my life and livelihood. I would say all of my positive identity in some way comes back to this.

Please, Please, Please, Remove Your Underoos.

My Esteemed  & Cherished  Massage Clients:


In the name of all things holy and commodious to receiving quality and nurturing Body Work, I humbly implore you to remove all under garments before you get on the table and under the covers.


This is why I leave the room for you to disrobe. This is why you are always discretely, respectfully and sweetly draped and tucked in. This is why I will always treat you with care, reverence and professionalism... so that you may feel comfortable enough to completely disrobe and thus enjoy the best possible session of massage, catering to all of your major muscle groups.


It's not just that it makes my job 100,000,000 times easier. It's not just for the flow factor.
Its not just for the fact that I'd wager all of your skin needs the nourishment of the food grade quality oils, lotions and potions I use. The fact is if you walk in America your glutes do a tremendous amount of work and many of the muscle groups converge at the bilateral center of your bottom. Which means we all need to have our hind ends worked on well.
Need not luxury or frou frou but need.


Yes, I c a n work on you through your super hero briefs or flannel plaid boxers. Yes I can negotiate a thong or victorian girdle. I will do my best to get all the kinks and knots out of all of your muscles groups no  matter how many clothes you insist on wearing while on my table. Just know, you are seriously gipping yourself out of a much better body work experience.


The only upside of this American tendency is there are a lot of  really cute unders on the market. The range of colors, textures, cuts and fabrics is astonishing and more often than not delightful and will certainly bring a smile to the lips of your devoted massage therapist.


Still, I need to roll my wrist to my elbow as I sink just under the bottom ridges of your sacrum and drag from there to your ankles.  I need to smoothly transition from said ankle up over calves, thighs, buttocks, hips, waist and curve over you shoulder and down your arms to wrists and hands in one fell swoop.  I do this with almost every module of massage I practice. I learned it on the Island of Kauai as the Pain Eraser, and while that is an ambitious name, at the very  least it will make you feel connected all over and oh, does it feel good.  Its almost impossible to do with real sink, smoothness and fluidity if  you are wearing say, socks or bra or swimming trunks.  This is the simple practical reason I always say upon first meeting you, " Please take off as much as you can be comfortable with, you will always be draped, I will always treat you respectfully and professionaly. Most of the time I kind of trance into your muscles and my eyes are closed. I appreciate modesty and decorum but trust me on this, you want your glutes worked."  


Your thighs will thank you. Your lower back will thank you. ALL of your back will thank you!


Interestingly in Massage School, during in class trades, I had a really hard time removing undergarments  but  many years later and after the fact of having received work from many men  and women I love, trust and admire, I can't imagine wearing anything on a massage table because I know, I want and need quality work all over.


So, those of you who hesitate, once someone you trust has worked on you well without the hindrance of any cloth there is no going back to the fetter and constraint of cloth that maybe in some small way comforts and makes us feel a tad more covered and secure.


To call an ace an ace, unwanted erections and menstrual cycles are not really curbed by a pair of underwear. Since I assume natural occurrences of the human body can and may happen. Assuming client remains neutral and I professional there is never any need for alarm or concern. You need not worry of linens as they are always washed between clients anyway. Not just washed in the case of my home office but sterilized thanks to my spiffy rocket ship of a washer.

If both of us go to the trouble to schedule the time and incur the cost and energy of a massage appointment, you may be sure I want you to receive the best possible work I am capable of giving. So in closing I assure and remind, you are always professionally draped on my table.  You are always treated with respect, care and kindness.
Therefore to receive the best work possible, please remove your UNDEROOS!